Things weren’t always positive for me… and it took me a long time to come to this place in my life. it took a lot of grieving, soul searching, and ultimately, learning exactly who I am as a person. The end result is cool… but the journey (or what I like to call my return path) is what really taught me a great deal.

Although, to some degree, I will always grieve over losing Chad… I have learned to do something unique with the holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. I recently passed this learning experience onto another Allparian friend of mine who was having similar issues after losing someone special. What I do now… instead of mourning his loss on those special days… I try to find some way to celebrate his life.

Attending the Allpar Gathering in Michigan last year was rather bittersweet for me. The event took place on what would have been Chad’s 35th birthday. When I saw the date of the event (29, October) I knew I had to be there. We had always talked of one day going to WPC… but alas, it never came to pass for us as a couple in this lifetime.

Oh, I had my moments where I had to go off and be alone, (I’m sure the 11 hour car trip had someting to do with this as well… I had lots of time to sit and think) but to be honest, he was in fact there with all of us. I could literally feel him there. Yes, it’s true. They do in fact drive Mopars in the Afterlife.

I finally had that one brief moment of anger (that everyone said would come) while standing on the steps of the Museum. I was angry that we had been cheated out of experiencing this wonderful event together. But then I thought, “wait a minute… you ‘are’ here”.

The Calling says it best in their song “Where Ever You Will Go”

“I know now just quite how
my life and love might still go on.
In your heart, in your mind,
I’ll stay with you for all of time”.

This particular song often comes to me as a message that I am never completely alone.

I have to give a lot to Greg though. Not many would be as understanding as he has. He has even encouraged me to talk about my life with Chad. Greg was the first person who afforded me this luxury. When Chad passed, I was constantly being told “You have to be strong for those around you Matilda”. Oh, I did just that. I was the “brave soldier” in public. Meanwhile, I was dying inside. However, nobody ever knew just how bad it was for me, or what a difficult time I was having in coming to terms with the whole thing.

Greg told me when we got together… “I know I can’t replace Chad, nor do I want to, and I won’t try to”. He has proven to be a wonderful partner in his own right.

A friend of mine told me about a year after Chad passed that I would find someone someday. She said it wouldn’t be the same as I had with Chad… but it would be just as good. Brenda was right.

Greg and I have been together for (exactly) two and a half years today (17, May). I’m what I like to call “happily engaged”. I’m still too scared to go any further than that. At least now I can openly admit that.

Greg has been wonderful though, and done a lot to get me to this point. He shares my love of (or is that my addiction to) cars, and my love of music. He’s a spiritual person, of like mind, and thereforen we also share the same path. Not a bad deal at all.

Thank you for asking Dan. This gave me the opportunity to share something, and also to get another Blog entry in here. Dave asked me some time ago when there would be another one. ~smiles~

Many Blessings.

Speaking of, I have always respected your well-thought
posts and the open, positive tone they carry.

I am not surprised to see you moderating, and doing
an excellent job at it.

Keep it up! Allpar needs more members like you.

Best….