Followup on Allpar sale (Satire, not for real!)
Even though we are exploring all possible options, we continue to invest in allpar.com, and advise all employees to remain calm or accept one of our buyout plans - we are currently providing employees with the option of a check for $100 towards Allpar advertising, as well as a Commodore 64 computer.
Regarding news stories of our private lunches with other web site owners, they were just a friendly meet with the competition. I can’t say for sure what the results will be, we haven’t not decided not to negotiate anything. The future of Allpar hasn’t been decided. [Thanks, dana44]
In the meantime, we are planning to change the name of the site to ValiantAllpar. While the domain name will remain the same, our events will now be referred to as ValiantAllpar meets, and our staff will be ValiantAllpar meets. The correct pronunciation of this title is “Val-yee-ant.” The Allpar is silent.
We will be investing in a new server operated out of China. This will not displace any server staff in the United States, as we would normally only operate a single server. The server in China will be a joint design with Happy Friendly Chrysler Web Site Company, pending approval of the Chinese government. We may be providing the content using their basic software architecture. Or we may be putting our logo onto their existing site, if we decide it is high enough quality. Some people have pointed out that the English on the site is less than perfect, having been translated via machine from the Chinese, with phrases like “The Chrysler Sebring is a rabbit having heads four and a motor of six Vees.” No final decision has been made.
Please continue to visit our ValiantAllpar sites and enjoy the fine valiant.org craftsmanship there.
NOTE - Based on people taking this for real, I must note - this is SATIRE AND NOT FOR REAL.
Sweet! Just like DaimlerChrysler. You guys rule ;)
I object! Here I am offering you a pile of cash, and you apparently have openly rejected me. The 26 million was, after all, your own figures. I can’t be held responsible that it isn’t enough to cover continued upkeep on the place in The Hamptons! I am now crushed beyond belief. I just may open avenues to buy up all the stock and take over anyway! I even offered to share the money ….. well sort of, with the other 50% of your ownership. Perhaps that side is more receptive to selling and won’t be so willing to continue to explore avenues that are clearly anti-labor, anti-American, anti-social, anti-ALLPAR, anti-management, anti-reality, anti-serious, anti-membership, anti-blog, anti-advertising, anti-profit, anti-actuality, and moreover anti-anti anything. I will confer with my people to see if there is anything I left out. Everything was fine until you started fiddling with those Commodore 64 computers. You can’t be serious about selling them too! Just because ALLPAR had vastly superior engineering, along with a humongous lead in production, as well as a pile of money held in reserves that could have continued to operate ALLPAR for at least the next millennium on it’s own, Valiant.org tried a very deceptive ploy when it hailed it’s obvious takeover as a “merger of
co-joining.” The old guard will not be fooled so easily. The more that move is investigated, the more it is obvious that it was a fraud. I mean “Val yee ant” is a clearly discontinued product, even if it was highly successful. Valiant has used that model to kill Plymouth, Neon, and now has it’s sights on the PT, the Pacifica, The Aspen, The Durango, and others. The word on the street, (WALL STREET that is)
if the product becomes successful, then it needs to be killed in order to continue development of new products to gin up interest in going to places like China to produce items that are genuinely CHEAP, but continue to gouge consumers at hugely inflated costs. BTW, we are just now getting word about the serious back door tactics used by Valiant in charges against ALLPAR for “computer time,” “consultations”, travel time to far flung places like Hershey PA., and sharing of parts. That is how Valiant.org made itself so profitable, while blaming ALLPAR for lack of income or interest in the product. My offer still stands. I may have changed my mind about consultations, however, in view of the stupendous fees you have assessed to ALLPAR so far.
Does DCX folks ever read this? ;)
The ones that make these decisions - probably don’t.
“if the product becomes successful, then it needs to be killed in order to continue development of new product” — sounds about right.
The exception of that rule is the PTCruiser, By the way, my favorite Mopar Car now that the Neon/Stratus are dead.
The PT is already targeted to follow Neon/Stratus and Plymouth to the same end.
Yes…. and really, there’s nothing left that I personally would buy aside from a minivan. I love the Charger Daytona and even the AWD Magnum R/T, but I don’t feel right with 14-16 mpg city mileage on a daily driver.
I thought the PT was gonna be kept for a while as a Cow Cash, i beleave Dave or You Curtis said that.
yes, until 2009 or 2010.
Then in 2010…… DOA. I really do like the 2007 4.0 Pacifica. Too bad about it.
I heard Allpar was going to “merge” with a private investor from Germany. True?