Not to diminish your humor...

however the Wrangler doesn't have trapezoid arches, or a PTU, nor a unitbody, FWD, or whatever else, so it may be that a seven slot grill humped something, but if that grill was from a KL, we may wish that Planned Parenthood had intervened.
Kidding aside, Fiat (Alfa) can likely design a nicer body than can Gilles, or Fiat, it just won't be a "Jeep" undernearh and this vehicle was originally slated to be Europe/Asia only. Makes me wonder if it is the Compass replacement in the US?
The 2014 timeline seems aggressive judging by current ability to meet dates.